Words

The last few weeks have been really hard at home.  Lack of routine due to Christmas break, teacher workdays, snow days, and the MLK day break had our schedules all out of whack.  For any kid, that can be hard, but throw ASD into the mix and you've got some good times. 
I haven't been as patient as I would like to be.  I try, but I fail A LOT.
Last night, for whatever reason, it hit me.  Some of the words that have come out of my mouth have NOT been encouraging and uplifting for my son.  It helps that our sermon at church the last few weeks has dealt with the topic of our tongue and the harm it can cause.  It's hard to find a balance between being a parent and discipline and having your kids respect you...and on the other hand realizing that my son isn't usually being disrespectful or beligerent when he behaves out of sorts, he's not often doing it on purpose to spite me or make me mad; usually, there is a reason behind his behaviors.  And I have to then be the detective to figure out the reasons behind his unwanted behaviors and try to help him.  It's such a different attitude than, "My child must learn to respect me."  Because I feel like I also need to respect him and his differences.  You don't tell a kid in a wheelchair, "Why can't you just be normal and walk like everyone else?"  So why should I think Jackson should be "normal" and act like everyone else?  Actually, I'm quite glad he doesn't act like everyone else, ha!  But those words have actually come out of my mouth, "Why can't you just act normal?"  And last night I was very sad when I realized that those words were not very kind or nice.  I never want my son to think he's not "normal" or not loved because he doesn't act like his sister or friend.  I want him to feel like I'm his biggest fan, trying to support and  encourage him as he tries to find his place in this world like we all are.  And I know that most of the time, he does feel that, but when I lose control of my tongue, it can be hurtful.  I had a restless night praying for forgiveness and for help in finding that balance between accepting your child and molding him to be a better person at the same time.  It's hard, sigh. 

1 Thessalonians 5:11

English Standard Version (ESV)
"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

Thank you J.M. for posting this on my facebook page.  :)  It's a good reminder.

Thinking Ahead to 2014...

I want to live more simply this year.  I want to buy less stuff.  It is soooo easy to get drawn into all of the internet deals, especially when my email inbox is inundated with sales and coupons.  I have been deleting them immediately and moving on.  Because we don't NEED anything!  We are so blessed, and God has blessed us with all of our needs as well as wants this year.  I'm striving to make use of all of the things we already have and make use of free resources, like the public library!  My goal is by next Christmas it won't be such a habit to want to buy everything that seems like a good deal.  I want to be "content in every circumstance." 

My word for this year is Contentment.  Not only do I want to be content with my material possessions, but I want to be content in my relationships.  I have so much to be thankful for, even in the "not so cheery" moments of life.  I read "One Thousand Gifts" this year by Ann Voskamp, with my Bible study group, and it was a game changer.  I am learning to give thanks no matter what, for that is when the miracle happens...

I don't want to make a whole list of New Year's resolutions this year.  I know I need to eat better and exercise more, who doesn't?  But I've been learning that working on the heart and trying to make it match up with the heart of Jesus is what leads to true health, and the rest can follow.

How about you, have any New Year's resolutions or words for the year that you want to share?

It's Christmastime!!

This is such a fun time of year!  The kids are at just the right age to appreciate the little things I do to help make this holiday season a fun and meaningful one for them.
It was so fun decorating the house this year; since we moved in on December 23rd last year, we skipped the decorating.  We really have a house, OUR house, to decorate this year, and it feels really nice.  My favorite thing to do is still to sit in the living room with the Christmas tree lights on (all 1000 of them) and watch Christmas movies on TV or play on my phone or snuggle with the kiddos or just sit.
We have been going on walks after dinner around the block to see the Christmas lights...my kids say, "It's a Winter Wonderland out here!"  It's truly magical.  There is one house that has a Santa Claus in the upstairs window that sometimes is lit up, sometimes not, and our game is to see if it's lit and we can see Santa tonight.
Opening Christmas cards and seeing the friendly and missed faces of our friends and family from afar has been a highlight. 
Each morning we have been opening a drawer on our Advent tree, in which are two tiny presents and a word of encouragement and truth for the day, thanks to my mother in law.  It usually goes well, unless like today, the kids fight over whose turn it is to open the drawer and before I know it the entire contents of the tree are strewn on the floor.  Sigh.
Each night I let them unwrap a Christmas book, some new, some old, and we read it before bed.
I have been hiding "Keebler," the Elf on the Shelf, when I can remember, which is pretty fun.
And I have let them watch an "extra" show while I get dinner ready if I need a break, one of the Christmas shows that I used to watch when I was little.
This is also a time to really think about what things I want to teach them about Christmas.
I want them to know that it's JESUS that we celebrate, that He was the best gift of all, so we celebrate His birth by giving presents to one another. 
I want them to experience the MAGIC and WONDER of believing in Santa Claus, but I've been teaching them that it's not about being bad and good, because we are all sinners in need of Jesus, and we are all "bad" or "naughty" sometimes, but that getting presents isn't contingent on their "good" behavior no more than our salvation is contingent on our "good" deeds.  I think the message is getting through.
I'm looking for the PEACE of Christ this holiday season, and I'm finding that I'm yelling a lot less, smiling a lot more, and sharing knowing looks with my hubby as often as I can.
This year is so much fun, like every year, and I am so thankful for the time I get to spend with my little family, anticipating the coming of our saviour. 
As one of my favorite characters once said, "That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

Five Minute Friday: Together

linking up from lisajobaker.com

The hubby and I were just talking last night about the state of affairs of our family.
This Thanksgiving and Christmas, for a variety of different reasons, we are unable to be with our extended families.  It's "just us."  There is an element of sadness to that, but we were reflecting on how far we have come this past year as a family, just the four of us, together.

We have together figured out what it's like to be a family with an Exceptional Child.
We have together forged our way in a new neighborhood and made plentiful good friends.
We have together established a church home where we all feel loved and able to love others well.
We have together relied on Christ alone to get us through various financial and emotional hardships.
And of course He has come through every time.
Together we walk to school on Friday mornings.
Together we snuggle in bed in the mornings (who knew a king sized bed could feel so small!  There were 4 in the bed and the mommy said...get off my pillow!!)

I love my sweet family.  I wouldn't trade them for the world.  And I'm so happy God put us together to do this life. 

Randomness

It's been a very eventful few weeks and I wanted to share so I don't forget.

Jackson said a self-initiated "Thank you for playing cards with me," yesterday.  Progress!

Speaking of cards, he learned how to play "War" in kindergarten and we've been playing; I never thought the day would come when I could play cards with my kids, I'm so excited!  And he's doing such a good job taking turns, stopping the game to eat dinner, sleep, etc (that game drags on and on, people), and handling when I "win" his cards.  Way to go, buddy!

The kids have been sleeping in their own beds until 5 a.m., which is a blessing, but between 5-6 a.m. Savannah whines and cries over random things...
--"Put your hand on me!"
--"Snuggle me harder!"
--"My covers are messed up!"
--"Where's my blankie?"
--"Where's my babie?"
--"I want breakfast!"

Finally, at 6a.m. when my alarm goes off, she sits straight up in bed and is completely happy, saying, "Breakfast time!"  And then I laugh at her.  But not before then; before 6 a.m. I'm pretty annoyed, ha!

This morning, JW asked her to rub his back as a way to distract her from her crying, and she said, "I can't because there are tears on them!"  Haha. 

A Whole New World...

One year ago today I started my new job here in North Carolina.  And our family began the three month journey towards a new diagnosis for my first born son.  The move was so tumultuous for him that his behavior spun out of control, and certain things that I had blamed on poor parenting or him just "being a boy," could not be explained away anymore.  It became very clear to our new community that there was something not right about Jackson.  I had no idea what it might be...I thought there might be some Sensory Processing Disorder traits, so I bought three books and started reading.  We started OT which definitely helped a little.  We took him to a doctor who suggested ADHD.  We tried meds, which made him go CRAZY, so we turned off that road.  Someone mentioned Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and I just had thoughts of kids torturing animals (thanks to my psychology training in med school), and I didn't think that quite fit.  JW and I prayed and prayed that we would figure this out.  That someone would point us in the right direction.  Because of his behavior problems in Sunday School, our Sunday School director suggested a play group called "Let's Be Friends," a meeting of typically and atypically developing kids to get together in a safe space to work on social skills.  That sounded like a good idea, especially since he was kicked out/nicely asked to take a break from preschool until we could figure out what was going on.  It was there that the leader of the play group started asking me questions about Jackson.  I was hoping she would be able to help lead me in the right direction.  She got me an appointment for an IEP (Individualized Education Program) evaluation through the public school, and we waited a month for the appointment.  In the meantime, as I was at home processing one night, the list of questions that the nice lady had asked me clicked.  She was asking me the screening criteria for autism!!  I freaked.  I had never considered that diagnosis.  Jackson had never had any problems with speech, so I didn't even think about it.  I went to my favorite place...Google!  I typed in "diagnosis of" and wouldn't you know, it auto-filled "aspergers syndrome."  Weird.  So I read through the criteria and thought it kind of fit.  I got used to the words of autism, autism spectrum, asperger's.  We had the IEP eval.  We had to come back the next day for a longer eval specifically for autism.  Of course.  One month later, we sat in the same room to hear the results.  They first said "developmental delay."  That sounds so benign.  I can live with that.  Get him some therapies, he'll be good to go.  Then they moved on to, "And he tested positive for autism as well."  Like it was no big deal.  It wasn't a surprise, but I was still hoping it wasn't true.  I didn't FEEL like being a mom to a special needs kid.  I just wanted to be REGULAR.  I cried.  The people handed me Kleenex.  I decided to move on.  At least I had a NAME for what was going on.  I had a TOPIC to search for and books to read about.  I WASN'T a bad mom, and Jackson WASN'T a bad kid.  So it was actually great news!

9 months later, we've done OT, speech therapy, special education, TEACCH services (the local autism center in Chapel Hill), and even a parenting class.  Jackson is attending regular kindergarten this year and thriving.  I wouldn't say that his success is due to all of the therapies or picture schedules.  I think it's mostly because JW and I have adjusted to the "new normal."  We are more relaxed.  We know how to reach Jackson in a way that he will understand.  We know how to manage his environment to  make it a safe and calm place to live instead of a place filled with sensory overload.  I have to yell less.  And love more. 

I am so proud to be the mom of a special needs kid.  It has strengthened my faith and my marriage.  And I am so proud of my little boy.  God has big plans for him, and though they may not be my plans, they are AWESOME.

If you are visiting from Kelly's Korner, thank you!

Mommy in the Trenches

When my kids were babies, I expected to get pooped on, peed on, spit up on, leaked on by my own milk-producing organs, etc.  Now that my kids are older, that all happens with a lot let frequency.  I still have no privacy when dressing or showering or toileting.  But overall, I can maintain my outfit for a few hours at a time. 
This past weekend, Savannah was sick with her first vomiting illness.  I feel blessed that I have had this long vomit-free (5 yrs both kids).  But when Savannah walked to the side of my bed in the middle of the night, I picked her up, concerned, and she proceeded to vomit on my face/hair/clothes/bed/rug...and I just held her and let the vomit keep coming.  I was so stunned I didn't really know what to do.  Thankfully, that got better and I only had to deal with one more huge vomiting episode over the entire bathroom, but then it was followed by, "Mommy, I tried to make it to the potty but I didn't and that's okay."  I'm glad you think that's okay, darling.  But what are we talking about, exactly?  Diarrhea.  Good times.  So pull-ups all weekend. 
Finally, she is better. 
I was all dressed for work yesterday, ready to go, when I spilled her applesauce all over me as I was putting it back into the fridge, since every day both kids INSIST on me putting out the applesauce but neither one will eat it.  I had peach applesauce on every item of clothing I had on, including undergarments and shoes, and it even got into my hair.  I got really angry, complaining about how unfair this is, I just wanted to go to work on time, yadda yadda...  I did change my outfit but left my hair.  I explained to my colleagues if they smell peach it's my awesome new conditioner.  J.W. insisted that I relax, that I was overreacting.  Of course I was, because it's not about the applesauce, dear husband.  I just didn't want to be gross anymore due to my kids' bodily fluids or food items.  I know other moms will sympathize.  It's mommyhood in the trenches, we do it daily, but some days it's harder than others. 
And I actually liked that peach smell, I'll have to look for some actual peach conditioner next time I'm out...