On Just Being A Mommy...

Today I was really tired.  Tired of therapy sessions and parenting classes.  Tired of trying so hard.  Tired of being tired.  Tired of sticker charts, ignoring, time outs, positive attention. 
I just wanted to hug my little boy when he was throwing a tantrum.
I didn't care if it was giving attention to negative behavior.
I just knew he was upset, and I wanted to fix it. 
I don't know everything about parenting a kid on the spectrum, hence all of the classes and therapies, but I know how to love my son and give him a hug.
It wasn't the "right" thing to do, since I was rewarding a tantrum.  I was told so today, in fact. 
But in my head, I said, "Buzz off, lady!  My kid needs a hug." 
I'll work on the rest of my "skills" tomorrow. 
Today, I'm just going to love.

Morning Grumpies and Vertigo

I was sharing some of my life with a dear friend, and she laughed so hard about some of it I just had to post.

First, I took the kids to a really cool park this weekend.  It had a cup that you can sit in and it scoops you up and you start to spin.  Really fast.  Like I-couldn't-stop-and-my-2-year-old-couldn't-help-me fast.  After about 2 looooooong minutes of this, I fell out and immediately wanted to throw up.  Which I couldn't do.  Jackson basically said, "I told you that you wouldn't like it, Mom."  You're right, my dear, that's the understatement of the year!  It is day 3 and I still feel nauseated and not quite myself.  I am getting old.  :)

Second, as a lot of my friends know, I have been trying to get the kids to sleep in their own beds, ummmm, since birth.  It's going really well for me.  I even have parenting class teachers and peers, occupational therapists, and behavioral therapists trying to help me out, to no avail.  Some nights go really well, but I really think it's just random and has nothing to do with the social stories, sticker charts, or promises of goodies in the morning.  Sunday nights, however, are always particularly difficult.  Of course Monday is the morning I have to be up at 5:30 a.m., and the kids must inherently know this.  So as always, last night at 3:30 a.m. Savannah wakes up crying and wanting to be in my bed.  I realize that somehow Jackson is already in my bed.  I put Savannah back in bed, followed by Jackson, and go back into my bed.  It's 4:00 a.m. already, repeat of the same, except this time I accidentally fall asleep in Savannah's bed while I'm trying to get her to go back to sleep.  5:00 a.m., I try to get Jackson into his bed, but really I'm thinking, "What's the point?" as I have to wake up in 30 minutes.  5:30 a.m., they are both in my bed, the alarm goes off, I try to lay there for 10 more minutes, as Jackson asks, "Do I get a sticker for staying in my bed all night?"  Are you kidding me, son!!!???  As I calmly say no and try to explain why, he goes ballistic, starts crying and screaming, and incidentally head butts me in the nose.  I'm a bit of an exaggerator when it comes to being injured, so I scream, but it really did hurt.  So that makes it worse, it's 5:45 a.m., JW has the pillow over his head, both kids are crying and screaming, and I think I broke my nose.  Which I didn't.  Great morning.  And now I'm laughing, but I'm exhausted because I've stayed up too late.  We'll see what happens tonight...

Five Minute Friday: Rhythm

from the series on lisajobaker.com, come join in the writing fun!

Rhythm is a really hard word to spell, first of all.  It reminds me of dancing and music and band...  It's a beat, a steadiness that gets deep within you to drive you forward.  When you have rhythm, it doesn't matter what's going on around you, you are unwavering in the steady beat.  Even when the tempo is a "wierd" one, you stay constant and unwielding.

So how am I going to tie this into my life?  I don't do ballet much anymore or bust out my flute to play the "ice cream man song" with my bestie (hi, Linds!).  But I do have an internal rhythm that drives me forward and keeps me steady.

Philippians 3:14

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 

Right now, my life feels a bit out of control.  I have so many things pulling me in so many different directions.  It's so easy to feel lost in everyone else's notes...but this is a good reminder today to hold strong to my internal metronome, Jesus, and He will never fail me. 

 

Sarah

Advice and ASD

Yesterday I met a man whom I found out had a 13 yr old daughter with ASD.  I shared that I found myself in the same situation as a parent of a child on the spectrum.  He wanted to give me advice..."If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to grieve NOW...for the child that will NEVER be normal." 
Hmmm.
In one ear, out the other, that is the WORST advice I've ever heard!  But I just feel sad for him.  Sad that he can't enjoy his child simply because she's not "neurotypical."  I feel sad that he can't appreciate all of the things she CAN do and WILL accomplish.  And, most likely, HAS ALREADY accomplished.
I shared his advice in my parenting class last night and was met with sympathy all around, as we all, as ASD parents, do our best every day to delight in the day's little victories. 
I don't know what my child will be when he grows up, but I know that yesterday he rode his bike sooo fast and after falling off, got right back on.  I celebrated his bravery and persistence.
I know that he gets dressed in the morning without (much of) a struggle.  I celebrate his self-care skills.
I know that in the mornings, instead of yelling, "No, Daddy!" when my husband starts to stir to wake up, he asks instead, "Daddy, can you stay in bed a little while so mommy and me can have some alone time?"  I celebrate his kind words.
Even parents of kids NOT on the spectrum often have to give up their dreams of what their child will be and do; for instance the athletic parent who has a very musically inclined but clumsy child, or the book-learned parent who has a very hands-on and practical child who might not love school that much to pursue a post-graduate degree. 
We need to remember:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."--Jeremiah 29:11

God has a plan for our little ones, and we need to celebrate who they are, regardless of if that fits our preconceived ideas for them.
I will be praying for that dad and his daughter, that they can find things to celebrate in daily life.

Five Minute Friday: Comfort

from the series at lisajobaker.com

Perfect topic for today, as I wake up by myself snuggled under plush sheets and blankets and surrounded by four of the most comfortable pillows ever.  Two littles and a big are missing from my bed, yet I am so comfortable.  My mother's day present from my dear husband, a night of rest in a hotel so I can sleep in.  I don't remember the last time I was able to sleep in.  And it was heaven.  Feels a bit wierd to ask for rest away from my children for Mother's Day, but seeing how refreshed and "normal" I feel today, I think it was worth it.  It makes me realize how sleep deprivation can alter one's basic personality.  I think I'm ready for five more years of devotion to the littles, and then I will ask for another Mother's Day present like this one.  :)  Thank you, honey.

Five Minute Friday: Jump!

(from a series at lisajobaker.com)
I think of Jackson jumping into the pillow pile at OT today.  He wanted to do it over and over again.  It helped him "cool his engine down."  He wasn't scared at all. 
I remember the feeling of standing on the diving board, ready to do a back dive, my feet tingling and clinging to the board, so scared to release and let go.  But I also remember that once I did it once, every subsequent time got easier and easier to let go.
I think of two nights ago when I spoke my feelings, how hard it was, how my body was shaking and my skin broke out in a rash like it does when I get nervous; but then how much easier it was to do it again yesterday.
God calls us to jump right in when He asks us to.  It's not always comfortable at first, but it gets easier, and it feels good to just let go.  Be bold.

From the Mouths of Babes

J.W. just shared with me that the other day, he was reading his Bible, and Savannah came up to him and looked him straight in his eyes, and said, "The Bible is directions for your heart."  Amen!  Thank you Jesus for her little ears and heart soaking in your truth.  And thank you to the Sunday School teachers!