Randomness

It's been a very eventful few weeks and I wanted to share so I don't forget.

Jackson said a self-initiated "Thank you for playing cards with me," yesterday.  Progress!

Speaking of cards, he learned how to play "War" in kindergarten and we've been playing; I never thought the day would come when I could play cards with my kids, I'm so excited!  And he's doing such a good job taking turns, stopping the game to eat dinner, sleep, etc (that game drags on and on, people), and handling when I "win" his cards.  Way to go, buddy!

The kids have been sleeping in their own beds until 5 a.m., which is a blessing, but between 5-6 a.m. Savannah whines and cries over random things...
--"Put your hand on me!"
--"Snuggle me harder!"
--"My covers are messed up!"
--"Where's my blankie?"
--"Where's my babie?"
--"I want breakfast!"

Finally, at 6a.m. when my alarm goes off, she sits straight up in bed and is completely happy, saying, "Breakfast time!"  And then I laugh at her.  But not before then; before 6 a.m. I'm pretty annoyed, ha!

This morning, JW asked her to rub his back as a way to distract her from her crying, and she said, "I can't because there are tears on them!"  Haha. 

A Whole New World...

One year ago today I started my new job here in North Carolina.  And our family began the three month journey towards a new diagnosis for my first born son.  The move was so tumultuous for him that his behavior spun out of control, and certain things that I had blamed on poor parenting or him just "being a boy," could not be explained away anymore.  It became very clear to our new community that there was something not right about Jackson.  I had no idea what it might be...I thought there might be some Sensory Processing Disorder traits, so I bought three books and started reading.  We started OT which definitely helped a little.  We took him to a doctor who suggested ADHD.  We tried meds, which made him go CRAZY, so we turned off that road.  Someone mentioned Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and I just had thoughts of kids torturing animals (thanks to my psychology training in med school), and I didn't think that quite fit.  JW and I prayed and prayed that we would figure this out.  That someone would point us in the right direction.  Because of his behavior problems in Sunday School, our Sunday School director suggested a play group called "Let's Be Friends," a meeting of typically and atypically developing kids to get together in a safe space to work on social skills.  That sounded like a good idea, especially since he was kicked out/nicely asked to take a break from preschool until we could figure out what was going on.  It was there that the leader of the play group started asking me questions about Jackson.  I was hoping she would be able to help lead me in the right direction.  She got me an appointment for an IEP (Individualized Education Program) evaluation through the public school, and we waited a month for the appointment.  In the meantime, as I was at home processing one night, the list of questions that the nice lady had asked me clicked.  She was asking me the screening criteria for autism!!  I freaked.  I had never considered that diagnosis.  Jackson had never had any problems with speech, so I didn't even think about it.  I went to my favorite place...Google!  I typed in "diagnosis of" and wouldn't you know, it auto-filled "aspergers syndrome."  Weird.  So I read through the criteria and thought it kind of fit.  I got used to the words of autism, autism spectrum, asperger's.  We had the IEP eval.  We had to come back the next day for a longer eval specifically for autism.  Of course.  One month later, we sat in the same room to hear the results.  They first said "developmental delay."  That sounds so benign.  I can live with that.  Get him some therapies, he'll be good to go.  Then they moved on to, "And he tested positive for autism as well."  Like it was no big deal.  It wasn't a surprise, but I was still hoping it wasn't true.  I didn't FEEL like being a mom to a special needs kid.  I just wanted to be REGULAR.  I cried.  The people handed me Kleenex.  I decided to move on.  At least I had a NAME for what was going on.  I had a TOPIC to search for and books to read about.  I WASN'T a bad mom, and Jackson WASN'T a bad kid.  So it was actually great news!

9 months later, we've done OT, speech therapy, special education, TEACCH services (the local autism center in Chapel Hill), and even a parenting class.  Jackson is attending regular kindergarten this year and thriving.  I wouldn't say that his success is due to all of the therapies or picture schedules.  I think it's mostly because JW and I have adjusted to the "new normal."  We are more relaxed.  We know how to reach Jackson in a way that he will understand.  We know how to manage his environment to  make it a safe and calm place to live instead of a place filled with sensory overload.  I have to yell less.  And love more. 

I am so proud to be the mom of a special needs kid.  It has strengthened my faith and my marriage.  And I am so proud of my little boy.  God has big plans for him, and though they may not be my plans, they are AWESOME.

If you are visiting from Kelly's Korner, thank you!

Mommy in the Trenches

When my kids were babies, I expected to get pooped on, peed on, spit up on, leaked on by my own milk-producing organs, etc.  Now that my kids are older, that all happens with a lot let frequency.  I still have no privacy when dressing or showering or toileting.  But overall, I can maintain my outfit for a few hours at a time. 
This past weekend, Savannah was sick with her first vomiting illness.  I feel blessed that I have had this long vomit-free (5 yrs both kids).  But when Savannah walked to the side of my bed in the middle of the night, I picked her up, concerned, and she proceeded to vomit on my face/hair/clothes/bed/rug...and I just held her and let the vomit keep coming.  I was so stunned I didn't really know what to do.  Thankfully, that got better and I only had to deal with one more huge vomiting episode over the entire bathroom, but then it was followed by, "Mommy, I tried to make it to the potty but I didn't and that's okay."  I'm glad you think that's okay, darling.  But what are we talking about, exactly?  Diarrhea.  Good times.  So pull-ups all weekend. 
Finally, she is better. 
I was all dressed for work yesterday, ready to go, when I spilled her applesauce all over me as I was putting it back into the fridge, since every day both kids INSIST on me putting out the applesauce but neither one will eat it.  I had peach applesauce on every item of clothing I had on, including undergarments and shoes, and it even got into my hair.  I got really angry, complaining about how unfair this is, I just wanted to go to work on time, yadda yadda...  I did change my outfit but left my hair.  I explained to my colleagues if they smell peach it's my awesome new conditioner.  J.W. insisted that I relax, that I was overreacting.  Of course I was, because it's not about the applesauce, dear husband.  I just didn't want to be gross anymore due to my kids' bodily fluids or food items.  I know other moms will sympathize.  It's mommyhood in the trenches, we do it daily, but some days it's harder than others. 
And I actually liked that peach smell, I'll have to look for some actual peach conditioner next time I'm out... 

First Day of Kindergarten!

Yesterday was Jackson's first half day of kindergarten, and today was his first full day.  He did great!  We got a good report both days.  I got the privilege to walk him to school today, and I was kind of in awe of the fact that my firstborn is in...elementary school!  He will have music class and gym!  He will eat in a cafeteria.  I had to buy him #2 pencils!  Craziness.  I miss pre-K.  At least Savannah's still there.  My little boy is growing up!  I am so proud of him.  He has come so far this past year.  His teacher, Miss Kilgo, is amazing, and I think this is going to be a HUGE year.  I can't wait to see all that he will do.  This may surpass the first year of his life in terms of milestones, we will soon see!  Congrats, little buddy, you rock in my book. 
Love, Mom/Mommy/Hey you  :)

Five Minute Friday: Last

Linking up from lisajobaker.com.

Last night I slept alone, without my babes, and heard the cries of my niece when she woke up hungry in the middle of the night.
Last week I delivered lots of babies and dealt with pregnant and postpartum mommies while my own sister was struggling to breathe as her heart was failing her (praise the Lord, she is fine now!!)
Last month we were in Michigan for vacation, visiting family and friends, missing and longing for what was, but very thankful for the friends and blessings we have in the present in North Carolina.
Last year we still lived in Michigan, finishing up our time there, thinking of good-byes and watching a lot of HGTV as we planned on buying our first house ever.

Looking back, it's so easy to see God's hand in every seemingly inconsequential detail of my life, and how He indeed worked everything for Good.  For His Good. 
And it makes me excited for the future, to see what adventures He has for me and my husband and my kiddos; what new places, which new friends, what new experiences. 
I'm happy today isn't my last.  I will enjoy every moment of this short-lived life on Earth.

A Humbling Experience...and a New Niece!!

Yesterday was one of those days...a day that I realized that I absolutely CANNOT do it all.  It's really too crazy to even put into words.  A series of decisions that resulted in a lot of tears and disappointments, feelings of guilt and condemnation, and ultimately, the realization that I NEED HELP.  From my lovely and gracious colleagues at work, from my husband who took over when I needed him to, from lovely girlfriends who spoke truth when I needed to hear it, from God above all, especially when the tears were falling and I couldn't see through them into reality. 
Today, when I awoke with my babes in arms, snuggled close, it was all better.
And when I looked at my phone and saw the smiling chubby cheeks of my new niece, Lilly, all was right with the world.
And I remembered the most important thing about yesterday was that my brave sister birthed a beautiful baby girl, and her husband stood by brave as could be to support them both, and I am truly blessed.

Five Minute Friday: Story

I like the idea that God is sitting up in heaven watching His story unfold in my life.  He already wrote it, a long time ago, before I was even born!  But sometimes, as He is watching, I imagine Him getting out His big eraser and erasing parts that may not fit, adding new parts that He likes better.  I am a work in progress.  The general plan is outlined, but as I make choices along the way, I'm helping Him make my story an incredible reflection of His glory.  Of course, that is the intention.  Some days, I'm sure He rips pages out of the book, crumples them, and weeps that I messed things up.  But the good news is, every day is new, a new chance to add new sentences and paragraphs and chapters to the story that is my life, mine and God's.  I like that thought.
Join us at FMF and tell YOUR story.
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